My ADHD

A few weeks ago I received a formal ADHD diagnosis. I believe it’s probably mixed with autism but that’s another assessment for another day.

This page will be a place to share information about my experience.

Superpowers

Before I go too deeply into my negative symptoms and mitigators, it’s useful to acknowledge the many superpowers that come with ADHD. Here are a few I see in myself.

• Boundless optimism, enthusiasm, and energy
• Ability to bounce back repeatedly to nearly any setback
• Hyperfocus, prolific output (when properly inspired & directed)
• Very high tolerance for uncertainty & chaos
• High ability to synthesise new ideas and understand complex concepts
• Able to quickly devise creative, practical solutions to seemingly intractable problems
• Ability to follow multiple tangents and diversions on a path without losing sight of the ultimate goal (even if those diversions sometimes take longer than we would like)
• Fast reaction times (because I’m always dropping things)
• An appreciation for writing things down and creating useful structures for individuals and teams (because I’m so reliant on them myself to function)
• Ability to see and appreciate many different perspectives, angles, or aspects of any situation and different players involved
• Rapid deep empathy, sometimes becoming debilitating sympathy
• Ability to rapidly pursue several experimental paths in tandem until a clear “winner” is found
• Ability to connect and form relationships between disparate elements and see an emergent “big picture” that isn’t obvious to most people

Helpful actions

• Practice mindfulness
• Exercise (running, walking, cycling, sports, tai chi, yoga, dance)
• Spend time in nature
• Socialise
• Be part of a community
• Get physical contact
• Avoid sugar, caffeine, and alcohol
• Get plenty of sleep
• Journal, blog, write
• Make space to create things (music, art)
• Seek out and create rhythmic repetitive experiences (art, music, dance)
• Listen to music
  • Without words
  • Intense and repetitive for working
  • Calm, ambient new-age for resting

Books

• ADHD 2.0 - Recommended by a friend, does a great job of presenting the many “superpowers” of ADHD.
• Driven to Distraction - An earlier book by the same authors
• The ADHD Effect on Marriage - This one practically jumped off the shelf at a second hand bookshop. I wasn’t looking for it but it found me.

Symptoms & experiences

Here are a few of my symptoms and experiences in no particular order. More to come.

Forgetfulness

• Having extreme anxiety around forgetting events (paying bills, birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, calls, etc)
• Needing to write everything down
• Having to take notes constantly so I don’t forget things as soon as someone tells me them
• Forgetting them anyway
• People becoming upset when I forget what they said to me minutes before
• Setting reminders and alarms throughout the day to get me to do things
• Putting post-it notes everywhere

Time-blindness

• Always being late
• “Lying” about when I’ll do something

Distractability

• Being distracted by anything in my visual field
• Mrs. Trice my kindergarten teacher who said: “Peter is very easily distracted”
• Having to rigorously schedule things and make appointments for even routine tasks (e.g. doing laundry)
• Feeling a buzz when my schedule is back to back
• Feeling constantly driven, restlessly creative
• Daydreaming

Hyperfocus

• Finding hyperfocus in various hobbies and activities like computer programming, making music, writing, working
• Getting totally absorbed into a task when it has clear next steps and compelling outcomes
• Loving writing code (forces me to organise my thinking, and rewards me instantly when I do)
• Loving to improvise on the piano as a way to process and think and recenter (but hating to practice and learn other people’s music)
• Needing music to concentrate (especially ambient, dance, techno - nothing with words)
• Finding solace and structure in journaling

Impulsivity

• Speaking out of turn
• Completing people’s sentences to show them I’m listening
• Struggling to listen, understand, and remember when people are speaking to me
• Not capturing the emotional impact of people’s words
• No patience for slow bureaucratic processes
• Needing to limit my sugar and caffeine intake so I don’t get jittery

Planning & structure

• Planning requires lots of deliberate effort
• Terrible at making big decisions (I do it slowly with great anxiety and flip back and forth a lot until time runs out and pressure forces me into a decision)
  • Lots of anxiety around making the wrong decision, not trusting my gut or the evidence I’ve gathered
• Loving & relying heavily on the pomodoro technique
• Having to limit the things in my pocket (keys, wallet, phone, earbuds) to prevent anxiety
• Constantly underestimating how long anything will take and then being late
• Choosing to work on what I prefer to do rather than what I need to do
• Being really drawn to mindfulness (sometimes needing meditation like a drug)
• Needing time between things to decompress and switch gears
• Meetings & workshops running over if I don’t plan properly and practice
• Overwhelmed when asked to remember more than 3 things to do or buy
• Needing a lot of routine & structure to function at a basic level

Sleep

• Needing a lot of sleep, feeling unusually exhausted most of the time.
• Over-napping
• Not being able to sleep if I drink any caffeine or alcohol or sugar before bed
• Having to stop intense thinking several hours before bed so I can sleep
• Needing to shower before bed to sleep
• Dimming the lights hours before bedtime so I can sleep
• Listening to relaxing music before bed so I can sleep
• Needing quiet and unstructured time
• But becoming anxious with too much unstructured time
• Imagination as medicine
• Having to sleep with earplugs and an eye mask or I wake up repeatedly

Movement, touch, and connection

• Finding I focus better after regular exercise and time outside
• Pacing & walking when thinking about complex problems
• Loving walking aimlessly through cities
• When hiking or going on walks, wanting circular routes so I don’t have to retrace my steps
• Enjoying tai-chi, yoga, dancing, anything around free movement – but strongly disliking any structured “sport” type activity
• Craving physical touch
• Feeling lonely a lot of the time
• Struggling to read people’s emotions and reactions

Connection, Praise, criticism

• Need for connection
• Fears of negotiation & competition
• Deeply discouraged by even minor criticism even from people I hardly know
• Deeply motivated by even minor praise

Examples from real life

• Making my girlfriend late for work by not being ready
• Being late for everything
• Our family being the last to board our flight to the US
• Missing a flight when travelling alone
• More all-nighters in school than I can count
• The “homework hat”

Impact

• Previous to my diagnosis being angry and disappointed at myself for the above and feeling really sad.
• Angry fed-up spouse